I love music. My husband loves music. And my girls love music. For this reason - I find myself defining certain situations by songs and today's lyrics that are stuck in my head are "there's something wrong with the world today and I don't know what it is". It's an Areosmith song that really has nothing to do with the sorrows of today but it's the line that's stuck in my head. It's so true. There IS something wrong with the world. I blog browse...and happened upon the Peapod Squad blog yesterday where she was talking about hugging your kids. She went on to post about Maddie. Maddie was born way too early and had some complications due to prematurity. She made it through her days at the NICU and subsequently made it through 17 more months of life. Over the weekend she got a cold/congestion. She was brought to the doctor on Monday where she was sent to the ER. She passed away on Tuesday. What?!?! Why?!?! This is what I was reading yesterday and there was so much traffic to her blog that they shut it down. It's things like this that can set me off in no time. Life simply sucks sometimes. And it's far from fair. People who know me - know that I'm not a person to come to if you want to whine about something. Yesterday - you probably should have stayed completely away from me because Maddie's story put me in a horrid mood. I thought to myself 'here is a family that truly loves their baby and she was taken away from them'. Do I leave it alone and move on with my day? What can be done? The anger that is still inside of me today is so strong. I went home last night and Pete could tell immediately that something just wasn't right. "Was it the traffic?" (I was late due to a huge accident and a normally 15 min drive took me 45 min). "No. Just a bad day for another blog family." And I let it go. My girls were all there waiting for hugs and kisses from mommy. We skipped bath night - I wanted more time to play with them and coming home late cut into my baby time. We played, got into pj's, read books, brushed teeth and went to bed. The anger in me rushes right back and I can't let it go. I decide that working out might help a bit. And it does. I worked out while Pete made dinner. While eating he starts watching Pearl Harbor. Great movie to get into if you're feeling down and depressed. Let's just watch an all out blood bath for 45 minutes. Great. We go to bed and I can't sleep. I had gotten a book in the mail that my grandmother sent me. It was one she wrote about my grandfather. I decide to read the book. That was even more depressing. It was about the 4 years my grandmother spent taking care of my grandfather while he battled Alzheimer's. Lights out. I need sleep and I need it to be tomorrow so the day is better. But today is tomorrow and I am still angry. I'm angry with the world and the fact that there shouldn't be pain and sorrow and suffering for innocent children. Brady's fight with cancer. Stellan's battle with heart problems. Maddie's lost fight. Where is the justice? Why does this happen? You know what makes it so bad? The fact that the fkn Octomom can get a reality show to find love! What???? Are you kidding me? Where are the news cameras to show Maddie's family raising over $17,000 for the March of Dimes? That's right...her blog alone made over $17,000 and it's moving up! But no worries...Octomom will make millions on the simple fact that she had 14 kids that she can't take care of. How is this remotely justified? Yes - I know I have 3 healthy babies and I'm thankful for that every minute of every day. You have no idea how much Pete and I talk about how lucky we are. But that doesn't mean I can't be angry for the families out there who have been thrown into the deepest, darkest holes of life while other people out there are allowed to have children by the masses who can't possibly take care of them. Or who don't want to take care of them. Or - yup - I'm gonna say it...I'm putting it in black and white...even the people who don't fkn deserve them. The Octomom gets a reality show to find love. Maybe I can get one to find my faith and help restore it because it's days like this that my faith is put to the ultimate test. Yes - "there's something wrong with the world today and I don't know what it is."
Madeline Alice Spohr (11/11/07-04/07/09) - You'll be missed Maddie.