Thursday, February 26, 2009


The girls are in the NICU. They are small and fragile but doing well. They don't need any breathing assistance and from what we're told, this is nothing short of a miracle. When I visit them it's painful to see them in their little isolettes. It breaks my heart into pieces. We're not yet able to hold them because they all have an umbilical IV. If this IV is ripped out by accident, then they will need an immediate blood transfusion. I just want to hold them so bad but I do what I can. I open their little windows and talk to them and touch them and just admire them. Hannah and Emily are next to each other and Hailey is across the room. I'm thankful they're in the same room. I ask if they can be put together but the nurses tell me it's not allowed in this NICU. Some might allow it, but not this one. It's ok - they know the others are here. For the 1st few days so many people come to visit. It's overwhelming. I feel like I'm giving tours of the NICU.
They do a weight check every night on the girls. They are losing weight which is normal. But they assure us that they will put it back on once they start eating more. But Hailey isn't eating. She's not digesting the 1/2 cc of formula they are trying to give her. I've learned to appreciate ounces and cc's in a whole new way. These are no longer minuscule measurements to me. I keep asking if Hailey is eating and it's always the same wasn't able to digest it. We'll try again tomorrow. I am pumping but nothing is happening. I'm pumping around the clock and yet haven't produced anything yet. It's frustrating but I refuse to give up. I know that Hailey needs this and I'm determined to give it to her.
So many visitors. People I don't know are stopping me in the hallway to ask about the girls. My answer has never changed "They are perfect in every way." And to me - this is the truth.
The 1st 3 days I think were the toughest. It's not the way any 1st time parent dreams of it happening. But it's what we are given and we'll make the best of it. We have no idea how long the girls will be here but it doesn't matter. Pete and I will be here every step of the way with them. They are our life. They have changed us forever. And they have bound us in a way we never thought possible. They are our daughters.

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